[[Youll get yours and I firmly believe it. Thanks though. Lol. It was a good laugh while it lasted.]]
_________________________________________________
Lately, Ive done a whole lot of thinking about my grandparents and just how much I miss them. I dunno if any of you have heard the song "He's Walking Her Home," but its pretty much written about the two of them. I know, I know I talk about them an awful lot. But if you had ever met them, you would completely understand. I have no clue what they are doing up in Heaven. But all I know is that I need to thank God daily for putting such wonderful people in my life. What an inspiration to every life they've ever touched! Always uplifting and wonderful witnesses. Its such a blessing to have no doubts that they're up in heaven for eternity, waiting to see the rest of their family. Some days I wish seeing them would come sooner rather than later because my grandparents meant more to me than anything on this Earth. They were a match literally made in Heaven. And without a doubt, could not and would not survive without the other. Days like today when some people feel like starting drama...for attention, more than likely, I think of the bigger picture. I was beyond blessed out of this world having amazing grandparents & a wonderful boyfriend/bestfriend that was able to be a part of their lives as well. So, why do some people feel the need to create this, make things worse than they are. Just step back and have complete faith that God knows what hes doing. Im going to be honest, I have no clue what Im doing anymore besides trying my hardest to get by and get rid of this grudge on my shoulder. Other than that, everything will work out the way its supposed to. Me worrying about it does nothing. However, I dont deal with getting slapped in the face, or laughed at. So, for your own sake. Dont do it. :-)
---My grandpa would be lecturing me right now, complimenting me, and reminding me of my strengths and weaknesses. I love you & always will...these past four months havent been the same without you around. ---
Thursday, April 24, 2008
This Would Be Happening
Right now he's probably slow dancing with a bleach blond tramp,and she's probably getting frisky...right now, he's probably buying her some fruity little drink cause she can't shoot whiskey...Right now, he's probably up behind her with a pool-stick, showing her how to shoot a combo...And he don't know...That I dug my key into the side of his pretty little souped up 4 wheel drive,carved my name into his leather seats...I took a Louisville slugger to both headlights,slashed a hole in all 4 tires...Maybe next time he'll think before he cheats.Right now, she's probably up singing somewhite-trash version of Shania karaoke..Right now, she's probably saying "I'm drunk"and he's a thinking that he's gonna get lucky,Right now, he's probably dabbing on 3 dollars worth of that bathroom polo...And he don't know...That I dug my key into the side of his pretty little souped up 4 wheel drive,carved my name into his leather seats,I took a Louisville slugger to both headlights,slashed a hole in all 4 tires...Maybe next time he'll think before he cheats.I might've saved a little trouble for the next girl,Cause the next time that he cheats...Oh, you know it won't be on me!No...not on me'Cause I dug my key into the side of his pretty little souped up 4 wheel drive,carved my name into his leather seats...I took a Louisville slugger to both headlights,slashed a hole in all 4 tires...
-------------------------->
...hm. you think some people would realize, or maybe just feel STUPID. bahahaha. of course not. yes, please continue to make my life a living disaster. i dont mind that you lack any human decency in this world. thanks for that and for making my self esteem a -4. hahaha. greatness, i tell ya. wanna know the only reason i would ever be up at 4am ----reliving crap i shouldnt have went through in the first place. im sorry only says so much...PrOvE iT & say SEEYA! or else IM DONE...really, its all about respect. so, how much respect am i worth these days................................
-------------------------->
...hm. you think some people would realize, or maybe just feel STUPID. bahahaha. of course not. yes, please continue to make my life a living disaster. i dont mind that you lack any human decency in this world. thanks for that and for making my self esteem a -4. hahaha. greatness, i tell ya. wanna know the only reason i would ever be up at 4am ----reliving crap i shouldnt have went through in the first place. im sorry only says so much...PrOvE iT & say SEEYA! or else IM DONE...really, its all about respect. so, how much respect am i worth these days................................
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
And It's Raining On Sunday
I'm laying here, wondering why in the world I'm up this early on a Tuesday. Considering, it's the one day that I don't have class til noon. My opinion, usually when I sleep with my window open, something outside wakes me. Sadly enough, I'm a light sleeper. So light that I've been having to turn my phone on silent anymore, just to get some sleep. But I missed a bunch of calls last night from my fella, no good at all.
So, I'm pretty much rambling, but when am I not these days. Over Christmas, I watched a Joel sermon, and I think it was made for me. Well, recently, I watched it again. And let me just say, no one is going to steal my happiness. No one is good enough to take away a good day. Not a single soul should allow that to happen. It is actually considered a sin, which makes perfect sense. For example, what if someone has been rude to me, and then Im upset. Well, I act differently towards others. I wouldnt be as nice, outgoing, or even smile as much. But what if God had intended on me brightening someones day that really needed it. In turn, that person I was supposed to touch is still in a down mood, you see it can eventually affect hundreds of people. I think it's something we all need to work on. Yet another thing that I just dont understand, RUDE PEOPLE. Why are people even curtius anymore. Holding doors? Saying thank you? Smiling? Asking how someone is doing? Shaking hands? Being polite? I dont understand. Some days I will wait, and hold the door open for someone, and they wont say a word. Fortunately, I dont do that to get anything in return; however, I thought that was just common courtesy. How sad. Lets all start working on that. Goodness.
Another thing, why do so many people just not get it sometimes. I mean, I know I laugh at them for it, and I have to apologize to God daily for doing just that. But come on people. Hypothetically, how can you be obsessed with someone that tells you "sorry you were a mistake" or even "Im still in love with my exgirlfriend, and really want things to work with her." Whats sad, is I have seen this lately, not only for myself, but a few friends. I just dont get it. So, I wanna say, you girls all look pathetic and desperate, but youre not (or maybe). So, please just listen and stop, stop, stop making yourself look like a fool. He's not interested. Ok? Thanks. :-) As for girls like me, well we just have to listen to him, and know he has no interest. Especially when they say "she doesnt mean anything to me, nothing more than a friend. You're my everything." All I can say to that is YES PLEASE. Some days it's harder than others to blow off things, but ya know. Today is the start of something new, the start of me saying...best of luck to you girls, I dont care about what ya'll think anymore. Just get a clue. I was the one blessed for four years...and there's plenty more to come.
Oh and one of my lab assistants is pregnant. And all I can say is, what a miracle! I would have to say one of the greatest days of my life was helping deliver a baby. Well, I didnt do an awful lot, but I was able to watch and be right there throughout the entire delivery, holding her leg while she pushed like no other. Thus far, it's one of God's greatest miracles that I have ever witnessed, right behind my grandparent's love! [i will always miss them and think of them daily]...
"Its not over tonight, just give me one more chance to make it right...I wont go home without you...the weight of things remain unspoken..." - "Every night you cry yourself to sleep thinking why does this happen to me. Why does every moment have to be so hard..."
AOL: JLeighBreeze18
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
So, I'm pretty much rambling, but when am I not these days. Over Christmas, I watched a Joel sermon, and I think it was made for me. Well, recently, I watched it again. And let me just say, no one is going to steal my happiness. No one is good enough to take away a good day. Not a single soul should allow that to happen. It is actually considered a sin, which makes perfect sense. For example, what if someone has been rude to me, and then Im upset. Well, I act differently towards others. I wouldnt be as nice, outgoing, or even smile as much. But what if God had intended on me brightening someones day that really needed it. In turn, that person I was supposed to touch is still in a down mood, you see it can eventually affect hundreds of people. I think it's something we all need to work on. Yet another thing that I just dont understand, RUDE PEOPLE. Why are people even curtius anymore. Holding doors? Saying thank you? Smiling? Asking how someone is doing? Shaking hands? Being polite? I dont understand. Some days I will wait, and hold the door open for someone, and they wont say a word. Fortunately, I dont do that to get anything in return; however, I thought that was just common courtesy. How sad. Lets all start working on that. Goodness.
Another thing, why do so many people just not get it sometimes. I mean, I know I laugh at them for it, and I have to apologize to God daily for doing just that. But come on people. Hypothetically, how can you be obsessed with someone that tells you "sorry you were a mistake" or even "Im still in love with my exgirlfriend, and really want things to work with her." Whats sad, is I have seen this lately, not only for myself, but a few friends. I just dont get it. So, I wanna say, you girls all look pathetic and desperate, but youre not (or maybe). So, please just listen and stop, stop, stop making yourself look like a fool. He's not interested. Ok? Thanks. :-) As for girls like me, well we just have to listen to him, and know he has no interest. Especially when they say "she doesnt mean anything to me, nothing more than a friend. You're my everything." All I can say to that is YES PLEASE. Some days it's harder than others to blow off things, but ya know. Today is the start of something new, the start of me saying...best of luck to you girls, I dont care about what ya'll think anymore. Just get a clue. I was the one blessed for four years...and there's plenty more to come.
Oh and one of my lab assistants is pregnant. And all I can say is, what a miracle! I would have to say one of the greatest days of my life was helping deliver a baby. Well, I didnt do an awful lot, but I was able to watch and be right there throughout the entire delivery, holding her leg while she pushed like no other. Thus far, it's one of God's greatest miracles that I have ever witnessed, right behind my grandparent's love! [i will always miss them and think of them daily]...
"Its not over tonight, just give me one more chance to make it right...I wont go home without you...the weight of things remain unspoken..." - "Every night you cry yourself to sleep thinking why does this happen to me. Why does every moment have to be so hard..."
AOL: JLeighBreeze18
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Friday, April 18, 2008
Stealing Cinderella
I just love this song, and think it's so sweet. I cant imagine what its like to be a dad in that position, but how amazing to see all the changes in your child's life - the first words and steps, making friends, relationships, tears, heartaches, fights, graduating, marriage, children, etc. Thinking about this song makes me think of my future, of all the good that is bound to come in my life. I cant wait for all the joys that my future holds and the day that someone steals my dad's Cinderella. :-)
~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-
I came to see her daddy for sit down man to man
It wasn't any secret i'd be asking for her hand
I guess that's why he left me waiting in the living room by myself
with at least a dozen pictures of her sitting on a shelf
She was playing Cinderella
She was riding her first bike
Bouncing on the bed and looking for a pillow fight
Running through the sprinkler with a big popsicle grin
Dancing with her dad, looking up at him
In her eyes i'm Prince Charming
But to him i'm just some fella
riding in and stealing Cinderella
I leaned in towards those pictures to get a better look at one
When I heard a voice behind me say
"Now, ain't she something, son?"
I said "Yes, she quite a woman"
and he just stared at me
Then I realized that in his eyes she would always be
Playing Cinderella
Riding her first bike
Bouncing on the bed and looking for a pillow fight
Running through the sprinkler with a big popsicle grin
Dancing with her dad, looking up at him
In her eyes i'm Prince Charming
But to him i'm just some fella riding in and stealing Cinderella
He slapped me on the shoulder
Then he called her in the room
When she threw her arms around him
That's when I could see it too
She was Playing Cinderella
Riding her first bike
Bouncing on the bed and looking for a pillow fight
Running through the sprinkler with a big popsicle grin
Dancing with her dad, looking up at him
If he gives me a hard timeI can't blame the fella
I'm the one who's stealing Cinderella
~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-
I came to see her daddy for sit down man to man
It wasn't any secret i'd be asking for her hand
I guess that's why he left me waiting in the living room by myself
with at least a dozen pictures of her sitting on a shelf
She was playing Cinderella
She was riding her first bike
Bouncing on the bed and looking for a pillow fight
Running through the sprinkler with a big popsicle grin
Dancing with her dad, looking up at him
In her eyes i'm Prince Charming
But to him i'm just some fella
riding in and stealing Cinderella
I leaned in towards those pictures to get a better look at one
When I heard a voice behind me say
"Now, ain't she something, son?"
I said "Yes, she quite a woman"
and he just stared at me
Then I realized that in his eyes she would always be
Playing Cinderella
Riding her first bike
Bouncing on the bed and looking for a pillow fight
Running through the sprinkler with a big popsicle grin
Dancing with her dad, looking up at him
In her eyes i'm Prince Charming
But to him i'm just some fella riding in and stealing Cinderella
He slapped me on the shoulder
Then he called her in the room
When she threw her arms around him
That's when I could see it too
She was Playing Cinderella
Riding her first bike
Bouncing on the bed and looking for a pillow fight
Running through the sprinkler with a big popsicle grin
Dancing with her dad, looking up at him
If he gives me a hard timeI can't blame the fella
I'm the one who's stealing Cinderella
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
Full Of LoVe <3
~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~
I have some of the most amazing friends ever. But most importantly, I met someone absolutely fantastic over four years ago, and he has forever changed my life. After a lot of understanding, and compromising, things are continuing to get better. =) Despite all the hardships we all are forced to endure, God really is amazing. Sometimes terrible things happen and mistakes are made, ONLY to bring you CLOSER to the person you are really supposed to be with. God always has a plan. And this plan, this plan is amazing!
...oh, and one of my amazing friends turned 21 last night (only a week after MY 21st! yayyyy!) great times! And lots of fun ahead~~~~~
Monday, April 14, 2008
What Did I Ever Do
Yeah, its 5:30 in the morning, and I have yet to go to sleep. Maybe its from the panic attack, maybe its from all the questions running through my mind, maybe its from the images that will never leave - that will always be embeded.
All I can say is, God what did I do. Why do you want me to suffer daily. I had never felt a love like you bestowed in "MY BEST FRIEND"...my future, all my hopes and dreams. My life. No, I did not go through a break up. Because you see, we usually act like were together...no, I have to suffer daily feeling so many emotions, too many to count. How am I supposed to trust, and why would I not care if he talked to someone he was intimate with. It doesnt matter anymore. Its happened. I can forgive all day long, as long as she is out of my life. You see, I want to forget it all...but I cant when I see and hear and think...and have nothing in return. I get sick. The mere thought of it all. Of last summer...of the MISTAKES that he claims...him saying he was trying to get over me...but it didnt work. [[the bible actually says in order to cleanse your life and gain forgiveness and trust, you have to rid yourself of what it was that happened and be truthful and honest]]
Lord, Im battling more than I ever thought I would. For I thought my life was all planned accordingly. Truth is, I wont be disrespected any longer. Because, you see, anyone would think of it as being just that.
So, Im through. There are so many things I currenlty need to cut out of my life. And these worries are gone, even if that means saying goodbye to my best friend, so he can be someone elses. Please take care of him in whatever path he so chooses. You see, NO ONE...not even a random he meet four days after we broke up...will EVER love him or treat him like I did.
But I ask, Lord, please tell me what I did, why you want me to be going through this, even a year down the road. A sign, anything. Because I barely survived this time, you know I wont be able to do it again.
This pain, it hurts. Its time like these I wish I could just go straight to Heaven and be with my grandparents and see their love...a love that no longer exists on earth. For they were the greatest people to have lived - witnesses to everyone around them.
please pray. please pray...i need it now more than ever. people say that my hearts too big -- well i guess right now, i might just have to agree...because its ached for just too long.
All I can say is, God what did I do. Why do you want me to suffer daily. I had never felt a love like you bestowed in "MY BEST FRIEND"...my future, all my hopes and dreams. My life. No, I did not go through a break up. Because you see, we usually act like were together...no, I have to suffer daily feeling so many emotions, too many to count. How am I supposed to trust, and why would I not care if he talked to someone he was intimate with. It doesnt matter anymore. Its happened. I can forgive all day long, as long as she is out of my life. You see, I want to forget it all...but I cant when I see and hear and think...and have nothing in return. I get sick. The mere thought of it all. Of last summer...of the MISTAKES that he claims...him saying he was trying to get over me...but it didnt work. [[the bible actually says in order to cleanse your life and gain forgiveness and trust, you have to rid yourself of what it was that happened and be truthful and honest]]
Lord, Im battling more than I ever thought I would. For I thought my life was all planned accordingly. Truth is, I wont be disrespected any longer. Because, you see, anyone would think of it as being just that.
So, Im through. There are so many things I currenlty need to cut out of my life. And these worries are gone, even if that means saying goodbye to my best friend, so he can be someone elses. Please take care of him in whatever path he so chooses. You see, NO ONE...not even a random he meet four days after we broke up...will EVER love him or treat him like I did.
But I ask, Lord, please tell me what I did, why you want me to be going through this, even a year down the road. A sign, anything. Because I barely survived this time, you know I wont be able to do it again.
This pain, it hurts. Its time like these I wish I could just go straight to Heaven and be with my grandparents and see their love...a love that no longer exists on earth. For they were the greatest people to have lived - witnesses to everyone around them.
please pray. please pray...i need it now more than ever. people say that my hearts too big -- well i guess right now, i might just have to agree...because its ached for just too long.
Wednesday, April 9, 2008
Please & Thank You
Get out of my life. I never asked you to be in it. Yet you are and have brought other people into my life as well. People that make me sick to my stomach, people that cause me even more heartache and pain. Its them or me. Youve decided. But ya know, I gave it my all. This time, its on you.
They say God is good and Ive always stood behind that 100%, but Im starting to struggle. What in the world did I do that was so terrible?...
Just please. Get out.
So there, thats my emotional, psychological, spiritual struggle right now. What a great time to be having it. My junior year of college & first year of nursing school. How amazing. What a great time to freak about where my future is going, and if I will ever truly make someone happy. And what if I do. Is it going to be an another amazing three years, and then...about that...it was all a sick joke? Guess what, I cant do it again.
Because when I do something, I give it my all. My heart and soul...and it cant take that again.
Please pray...for me ...(and all the nursing students)...
They say God is good and Ive always stood behind that 100%, but Im starting to struggle. What in the world did I do that was so terrible?...
Just please. Get out.
So there, thats my emotional, psychological, spiritual struggle right now. What a great time to be having it. My junior year of college & first year of nursing school. How amazing. What a great time to freak about where my future is going, and if I will ever truly make someone happy. And what if I do. Is it going to be an another amazing three years, and then...about that...it was all a sick joke? Guess what, I cant do it again.
Because when I do something, I give it my all. My heart and soul...and it cant take that again.
Please pray...for me ...(and all the nursing students)...
Monday, April 7, 2008
There's More To Me Than You
You know everything about me - from my best to my worst quality.
Yet, you remain at my side, even when in doubt of whats to come.
Faith is something that we must share in our minds & hearts alike.
But most importantly, we are forced to believe...in each other & in us.
Trust my not come easy, but its harder to just give up.
I guess the truth of the matter, is that I love you all too much.
You see Id give anything to just show you that I understand.
Mistakes are something that happens, a thing of the past.
But our love will go on forever, until the end of time.
Obviously, we have both tried and failed at living apart.
...So, lifes rough...get a helmet. And like a "certain someone" always says..."choose your battles"... =) ok ok, so i need to try a little harder, but sometimes it hurts to wake up from a dream that felt so unbelievably real...so real, that it actually happened in the past. Its just all so hard to comprehend. ...But truly, we are better because of those mistakes weve made.
Yet, you remain at my side, even when in doubt of whats to come.
Faith is something that we must share in our minds & hearts alike.
But most importantly, we are forced to believe...in each other & in us.
Trust my not come easy, but its harder to just give up.
I guess the truth of the matter, is that I love you all too much.
You see Id give anything to just show you that I understand.
Mistakes are something that happens, a thing of the past.
But our love will go on forever, until the end of time.
Obviously, we have both tried and failed at living apart.
...So, lifes rough...get a helmet. And like a "certain someone" always says..."choose your battles"... =) ok ok, so i need to try a little harder, but sometimes it hurts to wake up from a dream that felt so unbelievably real...so real, that it actually happened in the past. Its just all so hard to comprehend. ...But truly, we are better because of those mistakes weve made.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
