..x.God give me a moment's grace.x..

So much going on anymore, but so much to be thankful for & excited about. [Nursing school, volunteering - crisis nursery center & hospice, family, friends, fun in stl, random sledding til 5am, graduation in three semesters, the "real world", so many opportunities - in the area & in the field.]

Life's a busy place these days - but I learned a long time ago that stress is unwanted and without a doubt NOT necessary [to say the least]...

Idk. Ive found myself advising others a lot lately to "live for the moment." A long time ago, I was a planner. I wanted to be engaged by this age for this long, a job at this age, marriage at this time, kids by this time... work here, do this, have that. Well you know what, thats ludacris, unrealistic, and most importantly... BORING!

Sometimes its hard to realize, but life keeps happening while we're busy wasting it, planning our lives out. Everything will work out the way its supposed to, when its supposed to... It will fall into place.

It's just nice to be content... more like ecstatic... to have no idea what is going to happen, but to know it's gonna be wonderful. This future, my future... will be better than even I could have dreamed or even planned out. =)

Who would have imagined so much of who I used to be is so different than who I am now... But I guess we all grow up! && when we grow for the better, we can be proud of the changes we've made, the things we've accomplished [& will in the future], and the strength//happiness within us!

<3

-- Simply Disconnected --

Dont have the time or energy to go into any detail these days, but tonight... the only way to describe how I feel is by using the word disconnected.

Have you ever felt like you were lacking a something vital that most others out there have.

Just some days I wonder, why && If you knew from the beginning that Id never even be good enough? Why you put on the smile for everyone else, but never make me feel worthy. Never open up & let me in & deal with the fact that Im my own person & very opinionated. && sometimes, downright ignore everything Im saying...

Is that what you want? Because sadly, Im stronger than even I thought possible && I know in the end youll beat yourself up for all the downfalls... But Ive tried time & time again. I wanna be civil & actually refuse to be anything but that... So until then, Im done pretending.

I guess its just, I keep asking God where I go wrong.... My prayers end up in me begging Him to show me what it is that I need to do differently... But only time will tell.

I just, wow, feel more disconnected after tonight... Than I ever have in my life. [But itll be over soon because Gods blessed me with amazing friends & I thank Him for them everyday!]

Until next time,
xoxo lost&confused.