And This Time's Different

Oh my goodness. I woke up at 5am this morning. No joke. I think everyone thought I was upset or dead - seeing as how I woke up to 18 text messages and 9 missed calls. Sooooo, sorry for the worries. Needless to say, after a longggg day at the hospital, I came home, did homework and PASSED OUT at 7:30pm. Hahaha. Passed out cold. I was thinking a nap, but my body was thinking a little more like NIGHT TIME. Haha. I love it! Anyways, I woke up early to start my day, and Im thinking this is a really great habit I need to start getting into. Im used to waking up "early", but not this early. And I love it! What a jump on the day. =)

Enough about that... You know what I did at the hospital yesterday... NOTHING NEW. Youd think thatd leave me all upset - NOPE. I couldnt have been happier. I literally played with, held, changed and fed 14 different babies yesterday. It was like being a momma all day! And I was loving it. I came home & really feel bad for my friends and fam. Hahaha... they have to keep telling me, "Jordan Leigh, you do not want a kid right now..." Hahahaha. Of course not til after Im married, but the way I see it thatll never happen anyways.. SOOOOOO... I should adopt while Im young. Hahahaha. If only I could. I will never understand an atheist or agnostic... Hello... HAVE YOU SEEN A BABY! Just looking at its precious face and little teeny, tiny toes is enough for me to walk outside screaming praises to GOD for being ALIVE and for all his little miracles everyday! Oh, and especially after you watch a birth... NO DOUBTS in God Almighty!

Oh, and the Dance Team this year - will be AMAZING and thats all there is to it! Yeah, I for sure love all the girls, and we have a squad full of talent with some FANTASTIC fundraising ideas that will get our name out there! I cannot wait to see what this year will hold. =) Ive already made some even MORE awesome friends.

Ok, about my momma... Were all still disappointed about everything that has happened and the mistakes made. Fortunately, we know that something good came from it, whether we can see it or not. Somewhere along the line, it was a learning experience for SOMEONE! And thats fine with us. Here in the next two weeks though, my mom goes in for another scope... So PLEASE PRAY hard that a miracle happened somewhere along the line, and the cancer is GONE! Because this world wouldnt know what to do without my mom running around a mile a minute, taking charge, and being the big boss lady. =)

And I know I say this all too often, but my friends... well the amount continues to grow everyday, I know so many amazing people that I dont even know what to do with... But I thank God for them daily. So many amazing people have shown me SO much just in the past year. Ive grown and matured more than I ever thought possible... And I wouldnt be the person I am today without all their insights and smiling faces! Thank you ALL! And its amazing what God can show you when you least expect it... Youre worst enemy can turn into some thing more... I see it on a daily basis, and I think it's God showing us that were more capable than we give ourselves credit for.

Alright, time to get started on homework.. in the DARK.... I love it. Actually, Im gonna take a run first... Then Im in for the kill. I wish everyone a BEAUTIFUL, AMAZING Tuesday! And please let me know if you need anything - even if its simply a prayer request!

I Want You But Im Not Giving In This Time

Of all the things I believe in
I just want to get it over with
tears from behind my eyes
but I do not cry
Counting the days that past me by
I've been searching deep down in my soul
Words that I'm hearing are starting to get old
Looks like I'm starting all over again
The last three years were just pretend and I say
Goodbye to you
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew
You were the one I love
The one thing that I tried to hold on to I
still get lost in your eyes
And it seems like I can't live a day without you
Closing my eyes till you chase my thoughts away
To a place where I am blinded by the light
but it's not right
Goodbye to you
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew
You were the one I loved
The one thing that I tried to hold on to
Ohhh yeah
It hurts to want everything & nothing at the same time
I want whats yours and I want whats mine
I want you but I'm not giving in this time
Goodbye to you
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew
You were the one I loved
The one thing that I tried to hold on to
The one thing that I tried to hold on to
Goodbye to you
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew
You were the one I loved
The one thing that I tried to hold on to
We the stars fall and I lie awake
Your my shooting star

If Only You Understood

You know what kills me, thinking they will never know the truth, they never heard the real story. Maybe, just maybe if they'd known all that happened things wouldn't be this way, as if their existence in my life was nothing more than an acquaintance coming and going.... Just staying for awhile in the middle. And as if I didn't match up and just wasn't good enough, not for the long run. Please know I never imagined or meant for things to turn the way they did, but when people aren't living for God, there's bound to be trouble. I'm sorry that things couldn't stay that way, and I still think of you all daily.

So Nursing Pinning Ceremony this Sunday. Exciting! It's to symbolize our current practice as a Student Nurse. Yah! So, it's pretty much official. =)

And DANCE TRYOUTS STARTING TUESDAY! Ha. Wont make it to the first practice - Freaking night class... Hahaha. But they've got me covered. Cant wait to finally dance again. Horray!

P.S. Life is too short to take for granted. Man alive, Im just starting to realize just how many amazing friends I have. ((Must not be uncompassionate after all - I swear some people know exactly what to say to ruin your week... But being bitter isn't pretty on anyone... And Im glad I can finally see that. The past is over and should be left there...)) Anyways, Im lucky and blessed and haappppppy and oh-so thankful! I just cant believe all that is going on anymore. And sunny days, always bring a smile to my face - like today!

But sometimes, I cant help but dwell on the waste of my time... I know it may not make sense to you. But I have never been so discouraged and disappointed. Really - I wasted and gave so much. All for what? This?....

K. Watching Made of Honor! Then taking a nap and dreaming of all those beautiful babies! Naptime... Then seeing my favs....

Torn Between The Impossible

Its like I dont know what to do anymore. Be there for someone I love, or continue to act like that part of me has died and been long since over and done with. I know what I need to do, but why cant on those days where its too much to handle, why on those days is it when Im needed for a situation that is too much to bare. Im not a selfish person, nor am I uncompassionate. But a heart can only take so much. And the lies were too much to even understand or make sense of. I look back and realize they werent just this summer, theyve been a long time coming. Maybe Im dumb for always trusting, always depending, always understanding... Then Im made out to be the selfish one. The one that cant be there for someone... When shed do anything to take that place. When nothing makes sense. Some days are amazing, other days are full of fear... of absolute shock of all thats happened. And why I feel so responsible... Why does a heart have to be so torn. Ready to be done - but not able to let go. It doesnt make sense. I mean God has a reason for everything, but its usually just hard to see... Something could be really over, something may only be over for the time being... to some day be something better than ever before, something may end simply to touch u things or open ur eyes, but I swear... I wont lose something that was once and always has been mine. Gods will always finds its way in our lives.

On a brighter note, Ive found an amazing church! =) And an awesome bible study/community group! Yes yes yes. And its just what I needed.


Always remember this:

"God always gives you what you would have asked for if you knew everything that He knows."
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