You want to know the two single most people to ever give me hope, faith, encouragement, love, desire, inspiration, fulfillment...my grandparents. I know they are in a better place, but i just cant help but be selfish...especially on nights like tonight, where I would just go over there, and cry with them. And talk about everything. My grandparents knew more about me than any single person on this planet; yet, they were my biggest fans - without a doubt. My grandpa always knew what to say, how to make me feel like I was amazing and could do anything that I desired and be the person that I wanted to be, always made me feel unique and special and uplifted. Some nights...people need this more than anything.
If you are ever feeling like you need someone, I dont care who you are or what youve done, please know that I am here. If anything, I want to have my grandparents love be passed on throughout our entire family...to every single person that needs it, like it or not. I may never know what to say, but I can listen and try to relate.
Just some times we all feel like were disappointments. I know that when Im feeling like this, I feel alone, but I need to remember that everyone goes through this.
I dont know what Im tryin to say. But bottom line, we all know what we want for ourselves, some times we fall short & sometimes were even fall off base. The good news, we can change it. We can be bigger people and take a step back and look at whats right, whats wrong, and what honestly needs to be done.
If youre going through something that you just dont see an end to, please know many others can relate. Say a prayer for me, and I will without a doubt, say a prayer for you!
God bless.
Thursday, February 28, 2008
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
Forever With You, Forever In Me
-----------
From: Me [i tried].... To: Whoever wants to read [no critics]
I never knew as I lay there thinking about what life had become
that I would soon be somewhere in a world far away from my own.
The year ahead had something in store for me
much greater than anything I felt even remotely prepared for.
Looking back I can see the reasoning, the necessity.
Yet I truly thought at the time it would be the end of everything,
everything I had ever known or wanted for my life.
Oh looking back, I can see so much now, but not then.
But when thinking of those days - to being young and naive,
not having a care or worry in the world that even begins to compare
to what I was about to go endure and fight my way through.
It was the end of adolescence, and the beginning of so much more.
I was sent in a whirlwind, spinning out of control.
I felt lost and hopeless and helpless, most of all, alone.
Shaking, I heard words that I never thought I could comprehend.
Yet I did; day by day, I grew, I learned, and I am far better because of it.
Similar to a roller coaster without an end, my life had turned.
Like it or not, I lost people I loved. Some to death, others to heartache.
But you see, Gods plan is bigger than you and me.
My fate lays solely in His hands.
Some days I wonder and lose myself in pointless thought,
wondering what I can do or say to be with the one I love,
Then I realize I am no longer able to rationalize things like I used to,
I cant run to the greatest witnesses of Gods love for strength and hope.
You see, they are up in Heaven rejoicing with the one and only.
I cant imagine all they are doing and saying and thinking and singing.
But I know they want whats best for me and for me to do what is right.
And whats best doesn't include worrying about things beyond control.
"...God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference..."
Let me just say...thank the Lord...2007 is over. And I don't think I would be here today if it weren't for my momma pushing me, making me, molding me, praying, encouraging, and just listening and trying to understand. I realize they say "mothers know best." I just thank God daily that my mom is not a bit two-faced or a gossip - she is real! She was there when I had no one and was at the lowest in my life. I will forever be in debt to her. <3
so we both look terrible in this picture, but my momma was fried and we were dead tired on vaca, plus, its the first one i found on here! =)
From: Me [i tried].... To: Whoever wants to read [no critics]
I never knew as I lay there thinking about what life had become
that I would soon be somewhere in a world far away from my own.
The year ahead had something in store for me
much greater than anything I felt even remotely prepared for.
Looking back I can see the reasoning, the necessity.
Yet I truly thought at the time it would be the end of everything,
everything I had ever known or wanted for my life.
Oh looking back, I can see so much now, but not then.
But when thinking of those days - to being young and naive,
not having a care or worry in the world that even begins to compare
to what I was about to go endure and fight my way through.
It was the end of adolescence, and the beginning of so much more.
I was sent in a whirlwind, spinning out of control.
I felt lost and hopeless and helpless, most of all, alone.
Shaking, I heard words that I never thought I could comprehend.
Yet I did; day by day, I grew, I learned, and I am far better because of it.
Similar to a roller coaster without an end, my life had turned.
Like it or not, I lost people I loved. Some to death, others to heartache.
But you see, Gods plan is bigger than you and me.
My fate lays solely in His hands.
Some days I wonder and lose myself in pointless thought,
wondering what I can do or say to be with the one I love,
Then I realize I am no longer able to rationalize things like I used to,
I cant run to the greatest witnesses of Gods love for strength and hope.
You see, they are up in Heaven rejoicing with the one and only.
I cant imagine all they are doing and saying and thinking and singing.
But I know they want whats best for me and for me to do what is right.
And whats best doesn't include worrying about things beyond control.
"...God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference..."
Let me just say...thank the Lord...2007 is over. And I don't think I would be here today if it weren't for my momma pushing me, making me, molding me, praying, encouraging, and just listening and trying to understand. I realize they say "mothers know best." I just thank God daily that my mom is not a bit two-faced or a gossip - she is real! She was there when I had no one and was at the lowest in my life. I will forever be in debt to her. <3
so we both look terrible in this picture, but my momma was fried and we were dead tired on vaca, plus, its the first one i found on here! =)
Thursday, February 21, 2008
Whatever It Takes
-
*No this isnt how I am feeling right now necessarily, but I know plenty of people that this song will hit home in their hearts, and sure, I can relate to some parts. Anyway, life is crazy. I have met so many amazing people, in some of the oddest ways, but I love it. The problem is: the more people that I met, the more disappointed I am in all the poor characters, low morals, and constant lies. Guess you've gotta meet all the bad to appreciate the good!
Whatever It Takes by Lifehouse
A strangled smile fell from your face
It kills me that I hurt you this way
The worst part is that I didn't even know
Now there's a million reasons for you to go
But if you can find a reason to stay
I'll do whatever it takes
To turn this around
I know what's at stake
I know that I've let you down
And if you give me a chance
Believe that I can change
I'll keep us together whatever it takes
She said "If we're gonna make this work
You gotta let me inside even though it hurts
Don't hide the broken parts that I need to see"
She said "Like it or not it's the way it's gotta be
You gotta love yourself if you can ever love me"
I'll do whatever it takes
To turn this around
I know what's at stake
I know that I've let you down
And if you give me a chance
And give me a break
I'll keep us together,
I know you deserve much better
But remember the time I told you the way that I felt
That I'd be lost without you and never find myself
Let's hold onto each other above everything else
Start over, start over
I'll do whatever it takes
To turn this around
I know what's at stake
I know I've let you down
And if you give me a chance
And believe that I can change
I'll keep us together whatever it takes
*No this isnt how I am feeling right now necessarily, but I know plenty of people that this song will hit home in their hearts, and sure, I can relate to some parts. Anyway, life is crazy. I have met so many amazing people, in some of the oddest ways, but I love it. The problem is: the more people that I met, the more disappointed I am in all the poor characters, low morals, and constant lies. Guess you've gotta meet all the bad to appreciate the good!
Whatever It Takes by Lifehouse
A strangled smile fell from your face
It kills me that I hurt you this way
The worst part is that I didn't even know
Now there's a million reasons for you to go
But if you can find a reason to stay
I'll do whatever it takes
To turn this around
I know what's at stake
I know that I've let you down
And if you give me a chance
Believe that I can change
I'll keep us together whatever it takes
She said "If we're gonna make this work
You gotta let me inside even though it hurts
Don't hide the broken parts that I need to see"
She said "Like it or not it's the way it's gotta be
You gotta love yourself if you can ever love me"
I'll do whatever it takes
To turn this around
I know what's at stake
I know that I've let you down
And if you give me a chance
And give me a break
I'll keep us together,
I know you deserve much better
But remember the time I told you the way that I felt
That I'd be lost without you and never find myself
Let's hold onto each other above everything else
Start over, start over
I'll do whatever it takes
To turn this around
I know what's at stake
I know I've let you down
And if you give me a chance
And believe that I can change
I'll keep us together whatever it takes
Sunday, February 17, 2008
There's a Little You in Me
*
*
*
Some days I have no clue what I'm supposed to expect or think or want or even need. At times I'm confused, lost, unfortunate.
Luckily, I know what it is that I want out of life. And I know who I love, I know who has my heart, I know who never will, and I know that my friends are the greatest people that I could ever ask for.
Everything happens for a reason... even the greatest love & the worst heartache.
And "sometimes two people have to fall apart to realize how much they need to fall back together...."
But when that is not the case, "some doors close for even better ones to open."
The hardest part of life is trying to understand which of the two is happening and what we are supposed to do, expect, and just how long is it that we are to wait before our heart is forced to mend itself, alone.
All I know is that its most important to be happy. If God wont let certain feelings disappear from my heart, then so be it.
*
*
Some days I have no clue what I'm supposed to expect or think or want or even need. At times I'm confused, lost, unfortunate.
Luckily, I know what it is that I want out of life. And I know who I love, I know who has my heart, I know who never will, and I know that my friends are the greatest people that I could ever ask for.
Everything happens for a reason... even the greatest love & the worst heartache.
And "sometimes two people have to fall apart to realize how much they need to fall back together...."
But when that is not the case, "some doors close for even better ones to open."
The hardest part of life is trying to understand which of the two is happening and what we are supposed to do, expect, and just how long is it that we are to wait before our heart is forced to mend itself, alone.
All I know is that its most important to be happy. If God wont let certain feelings disappear from my heart, then so be it.
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
Try To Be Yourself
_____________________________
In God's Hands
I looked at your face
I saw that all the love had died
I saw that we had forgotten to take the time
I saw that you couldn’t care less about what you do
Couldn’t care less about the lives you couldn’t find the time to cry
You forgot about love
We forgot about faith
We forgot about trust
We forgot about us
And now our loves floating out the window
Our loves floating out the back door
Our loves floating up in the sky
In heaven where it began back in gods hands
You said that you had said all that you had to say
You said baby it’s the end of the day
We gave a lot
But it wasn’t enough
We got so tired
We just gave up
And now our loves floating out the window
Our loves floating out the back door
Our loves floating up in the sky
In heaven where it began back in gods hands
Back in gods hands
I didn’t respect it
It went on neglected
I didn’t deserve it
But I never expected this
Our loves floated out the window
Our loves floated out the back door
Our loves floated up in the sky
To heaven
It’s part of the plan
It’s back in gods hands
It’s back in gods hands
It didn’t last
It’s a thing of the past
No, I didn’t understand
Just what we had I want it back
Just what we had I want it back
Just what we had
Great song that came on while I was cleaning and doing homework. Its sad to see in this world so many people let things go unappreciated and unnoticed. People look for problems when they dont see all the good that has come too. I know its hard, but its important to look at the positive side of things as well. Am I hypocritcal? Most certainly am right now. And I couldnt feel worse about everything and all the people that I have hurt in the process. The changes keep on coming...
Until next time, God bless!
"& dance like the whole world is watching."
In God's Hands
I looked at your face
I saw that all the love had died
I saw that we had forgotten to take the time
I saw that you couldn’t care less about what you do
Couldn’t care less about the lives you couldn’t find the time to cry
You forgot about love
We forgot about faith
We forgot about trust
We forgot about us
And now our loves floating out the window
Our loves floating out the back door
Our loves floating up in the sky
In heaven where it began back in gods hands
You said that you had said all that you had to say
You said baby it’s the end of the day
We gave a lot
But it wasn’t enough
We got so tired
We just gave up
And now our loves floating out the window
Our loves floating out the back door
Our loves floating up in the sky
In heaven where it began back in gods hands
Back in gods hands
I didn’t respect it
It went on neglected
I didn’t deserve it
But I never expected this
Our loves floated out the window
Our loves floated out the back door
Our loves floated up in the sky
To heaven
It’s part of the plan
It’s back in gods hands
It’s back in gods hands
It didn’t last
It’s a thing of the past
No, I didn’t understand
Just what we had I want it back
Just what we had I want it back
Just what we had
Great song that came on while I was cleaning and doing homework. Its sad to see in this world so many people let things go unappreciated and unnoticed. People look for problems when they dont see all the good that has come too. I know its hard, but its important to look at the positive side of things as well. Am I hypocritcal? Most certainly am right now. And I couldnt feel worse about everything and all the people that I have hurt in the process. The changes keep on coming...
Until next time, God bless!
"& dance like the whole world is watching."
A Single Quote Can Change An Outlook
"Some times good things fall apart so even better things can fall together."
.....God is good.....
<3 my family and friends are to die for. tonight may not be a great night for me, but i feel like everyday that you learn something new and open your eyes, it is a day well spent.
there is much for me to do right now...starting with taking care of myself - mentally, physically, and emotionally, putting god, school, and dance as top priorities. yeah - dance may sound a lil extreme, but god made me this way - i dance what i feel. well, the list could go on for days, but these things are starting tomorrow...hahaha after too long of classes that im not prepared for, gym time, then sleep...
thank you...
.....God is good.....
<3 my family and friends are to die for. tonight may not be a great night for me, but i feel like everyday that you learn something new and open your eyes, it is a day well spent.
there is much for me to do right now...starting with taking care of myself - mentally, physically, and emotionally, putting god, school, and dance as top priorities. yeah - dance may sound a lil extreme, but god made me this way - i dance what i feel. well, the list could go on for days, but these things are starting tomorrow...hahaha after too long of classes that im not prepared for, gym time, then sleep...
thank you...
Monday, February 11, 2008
Can't You Make It Stop
So, pretending just isnt for me anymore. I dont know what to say, how to act, what to do, what to think. Im tired of acting like I know whats going on and Im in control and have a hold on things. This makes no sense. Nothing does anymore. Everything I say and do can be taken in a completely different way. Why cant things be black and white right now? Why am I hurting like this? Most of all, when did I start deserving this.
One of my amazing friends last night said, ya know what, maybe Gods just testing you. What made me the most upset was that I felt the need to say, "Then Im failing MISERABLY."
Im sick of time and pain, not knowing, confusion, complication, drama, tears, pain, heartache, disappointment, distrust, anguish, torment, games, fools, misunderstandings. And honestly, I just dont have the strength to do it anymore. End of story.
Anyways, a few random things...someone told me this morning they were sick of the guys that are always adding and looking up girls on facebook and myspace. And I just wanna shoutout - ME TOO! Ha. I guess I noticed someone this morning...has added about 25 girls since he's added ONE guy. Ha. I dunno, random. I guess guys add me sometimes, but I dunno. Maybe its because Im never the one to add people. I guess I think it looks desperate. So, of course I worry when someone adds about three girls EvErYday. Yeah, so what, it hurts my feelings too...whats new.
Welp, wanna hate all men on Earth? Watch The Last Kiss. Rarrr! Ha. Sorry for the anger this morning...I knew this week would be bad from the get go - and no, you cant change it, but please try.
Live, Laugh, Love - always...
And when someone puts up walls, please be strong and patient enough to break them down. If not for you, then for me...
One of my amazing friends last night said, ya know what, maybe Gods just testing you. What made me the most upset was that I felt the need to say, "Then Im failing MISERABLY."
Im sick of time and pain, not knowing, confusion, complication, drama, tears, pain, heartache, disappointment, distrust, anguish, torment, games, fools, misunderstandings. And honestly, I just dont have the strength to do it anymore. End of story.
Anyways, a few random things...someone told me this morning they were sick of the guys that are always adding and looking up girls on facebook and myspace. And I just wanna shoutout - ME TOO! Ha. I guess I noticed someone this morning...has added about 25 girls since he's added ONE guy. Ha. I dunno, random. I guess guys add me sometimes, but I dunno. Maybe its because Im never the one to add people. I guess I think it looks desperate. So, of course I worry when someone adds about three girls EvErYday. Yeah, so what, it hurts my feelings too...whats new.
Welp, wanna hate all men on Earth? Watch The Last Kiss. Rarrr! Ha. Sorry for the anger this morning...I knew this week would be bad from the get go - and no, you cant change it, but please try.
Live, Laugh, Love - always...
And when someone puts up walls, please be strong and patient enough to break them down. If not for you, then for me...
Saturday, February 9, 2008
Here's To You & Being Grateful
Yeah! I have an amazing family. End of story.
I hadn't been home for five weeks - and I was about to die. This past weekend, I surprised them! My brother actually kept the secret! Fortunately, I pulled in the drive right as my mom was pulling up. Anyway, it was so nice to be missed and appreciated. Sometimes, you forget how that feels. It's GrEaT.
So, do you ever have those days where you are overcome with a certain need to do something? I know this probably makes no sense to you, but on Friday I just had to do something. Something that would hopefully provide some help on a certain few days coming up in these next months. No big deal, just some things I had to do.
I know, I know. I over-analyze everything and worry a little too much, but part of growing up is learning that worrying makes things incredibly worse. It's hard to let go, but it's important because God's will needs to be done. Luckily, it happens much easier if we actually allow it.
Well, school is still kicking my butt. And ya wanna know what I do in my spare time...*hahaha, the little bit of it that I have*...well, to keep me sane, besides dancing! I write down quotes - anything I hear, see, read, etc. I love it. Makes me feel like I'm doing something. I don't know why, but I like it. Some days Ill write some quote down that I don't even understand at the time. Then, a few days later, I start thinking...wow, that quote really applies today, or even makes me feel better. Hm. You should try it.
K, 2:00 am and time for bed. Hope everyone is doing well and being thankful for everything that you have and that God has blessed you with! Just close your eyes and say a prayer of thanksgiving! ...speaking of Thanksgiving, I miss my extended family and all that yummyyyyy food... :) :) :)
I hadn't been home for five weeks - and I was about to die. This past weekend, I surprised them! My brother actually kept the secret! Fortunately, I pulled in the drive right as my mom was pulling up. Anyway, it was so nice to be missed and appreciated. Sometimes, you forget how that feels. It's GrEaT.
So, do you ever have those days where you are overcome with a certain need to do something? I know this probably makes no sense to you, but on Friday I just had to do something. Something that would hopefully provide some help on a certain few days coming up in these next months. No big deal, just some things I had to do.
I know, I know. I over-analyze everything and worry a little too much, but part of growing up is learning that worrying makes things incredibly worse. It's hard to let go, but it's important because God's will needs to be done. Luckily, it happens much easier if we actually allow it.
Well, school is still kicking my butt. And ya wanna know what I do in my spare time...*hahaha, the little bit of it that I have*...well, to keep me sane, besides dancing! I write down quotes - anything I hear, see, read, etc. I love it. Makes me feel like I'm doing something. I don't know why, but I like it. Some days Ill write some quote down that I don't even understand at the time. Then, a few days later, I start thinking...wow, that quote really applies today, or even makes me feel better. Hm. You should try it.
K, 2:00 am and time for bed. Hope everyone is doing well and being thankful for everything that you have and that God has blessed you with! Just close your eyes and say a prayer of thanksgiving! ...speaking of Thanksgiving, I miss my extended family and all that yummyyyyy food... :) :) :)
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