Its like I dont know what to do anymore. Be there for someone I love, or continue to act like that part of me has died and been long since over and done with. I know what I need to do, but why cant on those days where its too much to handle, why on those days is it when Im needed for a situation that is too much to bare. Im not a selfish person, nor am I uncompassionate. But a heart can only take so much. And the lies were too much to even understand or make sense of. I look back and realize they werent just this summer, theyve been a long time coming. Maybe Im dumb for always trusting, always depending, always understanding... Then Im made out to be the selfish one. The one that cant be there for someone... When shed do anything to take that place. When nothing makes sense. Some days are amazing, other days are full of fear... of absolute shock of all thats happened. And why I feel so responsible... Why does a heart have to be so torn. Ready to be done - but not able to let go. It doesnt make sense. I mean God has a reason for everything, but its usually just hard to see... Something could be really over, something may only be over for the time being... to some day be something better than ever before, something may end simply to touch u things or open ur eyes, but I swear... I wont lose something that was once and always has been mine. Gods will always finds its way in our lives.
On a brighter note, Ive found an amazing church! =) And an awesome bible study/community group! Yes yes yes. And its just what I needed.
Always remember this:
"God always gives you what you would have asked for if you knew everything that He knows."
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