As I sit here and look at the ceiling, I realized thus far I have got nothing out of my life that I had previously planned. I understand that I still have much ahead of me; but what scares me the most is all the fear about the future. As nursing students, we are forced to have plenty of homework and readings done ahead of time. Yet, that isn't nearly the worst part. What gets me is looking over our schedule of things to come. This includes numerous things that really aren't all that bad. On the other hand, this list contains certain tasks and responsibilities that make me want to burst out in tears, such as, IVs, NG Tubes, Dressings, Trachea care, Catheters, etc. I just don't know what to think about it all quite yet. I mean, the scariest thing is that Ive been around it all, having worked in a nursing home for over two years, and I just loved all that. But, being a nurse is a whole different ballgame that I'm not so sure I'm ready for just yet. Please keep me and my calling in your prayers.
Most importantly, my grandparents never leave my mind. Day or night, busy or bored, alone or with a crowd, they will always remain in my heart to stay. I just don't know what I would have ever done not having known them. They both taught me so much. Honestly, I really wish I had them around right now because I feel like I have never been so withdrawn from the faith that I so badly need at this moment. It's just that so much has happened, continues to happen, and constantly frustrates me that I don't understand the purpose for everything. I know it is not for me to understand, but I know right now I am more vulnerable than ever before. Despite it all, deep down, I know that God is here for me when I need him the most, as He is for everyone.
"Do something everyday that scares you - take a risk."
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2 comments:
Hey!! I now have a blogger page too! This is a very neat thing.
I totaly agree...I think of our grandparents all the time....They were truly the best ever and I am very honored to be there granddaughter. I miss them so much but I know that they are in a better place together holding hand like usual.
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